Excerpts from the Ritualistically Burned Yearbooks (2001-2005) and Shared Notebooks (2001-2005) of Elsa Rather and Daniel Golding, Recovered with Comments by Phillip Masterson

Hey Dan – Sweet hair! You should’ve won “Best Hair.” Oh well, next year. Keep in touch this summer, we can cruise – Ron Lawson

Ellie. Stay sweet, cuteness. Maybe you should call me this Summer and you can teach me how to put that game on my calculator, but maybe not! I wanna pass calc (unlike you)! Ha! Lisa Warner

(Ron and Lisa both have criminal records. Ron had a shoplifting streak when he was in junior high school, Lisa has been apprehended on three different occasions for indecent exposure, all of which she chalked up to games of “Truth or Dare” – PM)

Hey ElSA – This is the big year. Think people will call me “Daniel” and you “Elsa”? I sort of doubt it. That’s why we should move – new cities mean you can be whoever you want. You and I could run a midwestern school, like the mafia. I could be the Don and you could be the femme fatale. And maybe I’m mixing genres but… I. Don’t. Care. See you in English.

DanIEL- Your hair looks lovely today. Did you know that I live in a continual state of fear that you’ll cut it? I love that it’s longer than mine, and I love that you let me brush it. It’s softer than mine, and that’s a fact (and that fact is only true because of me). Your sister looks like the type who would wield scissors against you in your sleep. Please be careful of her. Perhaps we should install a lock on your door tonight.

(Daniel and Elsa both had clean criminal records, although Daniel was implicated as the catalyst of more than his fair share of schoolyard brawls. – PM)

Danlie – No man, I didn’t spell your name wrong. It’s what everyone calls you and Ellie. I’m sure you know. Had fun with you this year in English, especially that one time where you finally called out Mr. Smith, but we should hang out sometime. If you ever aren’t with Ellie, give me a call – Luke Walden

Ellie – Your outfits this year were outta this world! Love it, girl, never change. See you next year and I bet Danny Boy too. Might as well put him on a leash! Wish I had your feminine wilds. – Paulina “Polly”

(Polly and Luke ended up having a baby together, although not in wedlock. and Paulina probably means “feminine wiles.” She was never known for her quick wit. – PM)

My Dearest E – You’re beautiful today, and you should know it. I’m so glad that we decided to make the leap – we’re one of those couples that make history, I can feel it. We may never get out of this town, but maybe they can make a monument to us in the town square, complete with rust-hued hickies and all.

Danny Dearest – Those hickies aren’t as winning as you think they are. My Mom, for one, is not the biggest fan! Thank you for the flowers during History. Maybe we are Napoleon and Josephine, just with hair lengths switched. You are channeling Legolas today.

(Legolas is a Lord of the Rings character, a long-haired elf, played by “heartthrob” Orlando Bloom. – PM)

D-Money! Really great you joined football. Never thought you would have an arm. And the haircut is an improvement. I can now tell, from afar, that you’re a guy. Glad to have you on the team, especially when you throw passes like the one at the end of the Homecoming Game! – Paul Eisenberg

Ellie – You’ve got the voice of an angel. You’re going places. Hope you try out for choir next year, because your talent show song was beautiful. Glad we finally started hanging out! – Melissa Essex

(Paul died in a motorcycle accident not long after he wrote this yearbook entry. Many people have a eulogy and picture of Paul taped in their yearbooks from this time. Melissa got married to a boy she met online in Kentucky and has not been an active alumnus. – PM)

Elsa – I miss you. You know it. Please, meet me at our beach so we can talk. We have to talk. This not talking is painful, I feel like I’m filling up with words and they don’t know where to go and when I try to sleep, my mind spins with words I need to say. I know this can’t all be because of the hair. Or the football. I don’t know what I did but we need to talk about it.

Dan – No we don’t.

(The beach in question is a long stretch only accessible by people who are game to either swim lengthwise past a group of dangerous rocks, or climb a treacherous wall of especially brittle sandstone. – PM)

D to the Max: You da man! Champions forev! That arm needs to be in the Smithsonian! Good luck at San Diego! – Mitch “the Man” Ruskie

(No one called Mitch “the Man” – PM)

Elsa – Your school work wasn’t up to par with what I saw Freshman year, but your voice is beautiful. I know we were rivals during our first three years here, but I know I could never rival your voice. Thank you for singing and not trying to get straight A’s. Hope your music deal is everything you dreamed – Lucy Whittaker

E – Meet me at our beach. I’m not leaving without you, you aren’t leaving without me.

D – Okay but I have three conditions. Bring your varsity jacket. Bring matches. Bring our notebooks and your yearbooks. I’m bringing mine.

(Daniel and Elsa were arrested for their open fire, which the police spotted from the freeway, and drug possession, which they both claimed to have sole responsibility for. They were both fined and given 500 hours of community service, nullifying Daniel’s scholarship, but not Elsa’s recording contract.)

Case Report and Compilings by Phillip Masterson. 6-17-06

One thought

  1. This is fantastic! This one in particular reminds me of some of the 100 word stories with a picture me and Jessa did last year 🙂

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