I want to buy a pair of jeans and I want a plaid shirt, and I think that will be my new uniform. Kind of like a cartoon character, I will just wear the same thing every day. I’m tired of having to look into my closet and think, “What should I wear?” And I bet you Doug never wondered what to wear. And that sponge named Bob, he wore that same box/tie/shirt combination everywhere he went. I think I could even find a pair of suspenders and a tie for fancy occasions, but I think the pair of jeans and the shirt – that will be all I need now.

That’s exactly how I want to look. I want to look sort of like… unchanging like that. I want to have that same, cold, calculating look in my eyes. I think the plaid will help with that. And maybe I should take up cigarettes too, and carry around a bottle of vodka. Vodka will be my water, and I won’t ever eat because I will be suppressing my appetite with cigarettes. Maybe I should add coffee in there too, so that I’m caffeinated. With the plaid shirt that this guy is wearing, I bet I could fit the box of cigarettes right in that front pocket. And I’ll be drinking too much vodka for just one flask.

Do they make cargo jeans?

I can imagine myself now, lighting a cigarette and taking a swig of vodka and then spitting it out and lighting it all on fire to the amazement of the crowd. I bet that’s a real great way to make money, doing a thing like that. I couldn’t do it in a place like this of course, because the clothes would catch on fire and I would probably have to pay for everything, even though I’m sure there’s an insurance policy like crazy.

The list so far is cigarettes, vodka, some coffee but I won’t carry that around, a pair of jeans and a plaid shirt. And I guess I can limit myself to a flask of vodka a day, so I won’t need cargo jeans, which should exist even though they don’t. If it comes to it, I can always just sew another pocket to the outside of the pair of jeans. That shouldn’t be too hard, and then I could have a nice side pocket that everyone will have, and then people will start designing jeans with side pockets and I won’t have to sew any more pockets onto people’s jeans for them, because I know that people are really into having the “original” of things.

If I stand up next to him, can you imagine these clothes on me? I know that I don’t have that nice grain that he has, but can you imagine it? I don’t want to try the clothes on because I hate the idea of clothes that have been tried on. I want them to be new clothes, I want to be the only person that has had them on, and if I try them on, it will ruin the illusion that I am the only one these clothes were meant to be on.

Can I give an unlit cigarette to this guy? Don’t worry I won’t burn him down. I just want to take a look and see what that looks like.

It looks tough. This guy looks tough. Do I look that tough? Jeans and plaid are sort of a cowboy thing, am I a cowboy? Not really at all. This isn’t turning out right at all. And cowboys don’t drink vodka, they drink whisky. I need something more early nineties. I need corduroy.

I still love this cartoon character outfit idea. I mean, if I put those clothes on and wear them every day, it will be like I’m becoming someone else. It’s like when someone wears a hat every day and they start to look like they should always be wearing a hat until a teacher tells the someone to take the hat off, and you think, “That’s like asking me to take my nose off. I bet you that kid needs that hat just to smell things anymore.”

I want to be like that, I want these clothes to sort of fuse to my body, I want them to be a second skin. And I don’t want that skin to smell like cigarettes, so maybe I should give that side of things up. And I don’t want to reek of vodka and coffee either, and I bet if I was drinking only vodka and only coffee all the time, I would smell awful. I don’t want smelling awful to be my trademark. I just want this corduroy shirt to be my trademark.

The idea is, if I have a corduroy shirt on all the time, and some sweet girl lets me take her to a movie, she will put her head on my shoulder and leave it there because the movie will be one of those movies where you get really into the plot and it doesn’t let you go. She will leave the theater and she will have these corduroy marks on her face and I’ll take her home and even though her blood will be circulating through her cheeks, she won’t have necessarily gotten rid of them yet, so when she gets to her room to wash her face before bed (it was a really late movie) she will have those corduroy marks on her face and she will touch them lightly and think, “Nothing could be more perfect than my face like this right now.”

Corduroy and jeans is definitely it. This guy makes it look great too. Are these for sale? These mannequins? Can I buy one? Can I buy a part of one? If things look good on him, they will look good on me. I’ll take one of him, and that corduroy shirt and a pair of jeans.